GID5 Chapter 2 - Reaching Your Family

God has placed all of us in families. He is concerned with the salvation not just of individuals but also all the members of a household. If a member of a household comes to Christ, the privilege falls on him or her to be the key to reaching the whole family to Christ. There is a tendency to read Scripture through the lens of individualism in Western-oriented cultures. Because of that, the importance of the family networks to spread the Gospel, as seen in the Gospels, Acts and the Epistles, is often overlooked.

Paul’s letter to Philemon reveals interesting connections. Philemon was a leader in the Colossian church — seen from the commonality of several names in both letters.

Paul led Philemon to Christ (Philemon 19), probably when Philemon (a businessman?) visited Ephesus where Paul was teaching and preaching for more than 2 years (Acts 19:9-10). Philemon brought the gospel back to his family and as a result, Apphia his wife and Archippus, his son became believers. A church was established as others come to Christ (Philemon 2).

Paul wrote a personal letter to Philemon addressing Philemon, Apphia, Archippus (whom Paul exhorts to complete his God-given work — Colossians 4:17) and the church which meet at their home. Paul wrote to help restore Onesimus to Philemon.

Onesimus (meaning ‘useful’) was a slave of Philemon (Philemon 16) who had run away from Philemon and went to Rome. While in Rome, he met Paul and was converted (Philemon 10). Paul felt he had to return Onesimus to Philemon, despite the former being useful to Paul. He wrote without imposing his apostolic and spiritual authority. Paul is confident Philemon will do the right thing in obedience to Christ and because of their relationship.

It is indeed intriguing to see how the relational connections play out.

One helpful exercise in reaching your family is to draw your family tree where family members are drawn in relationship to each other. A family tree is a visual representation of a person’s lineage, tracing relationships to ancestors. For the purpose of evangelism, just limit the tree to living relatives. You would see usually three generations and rarely, four.

Or you could draw a genogram which is a family tree with more relational information like the following. You could add more details like age or openness to the gospel to each relationship on the genogram.

The purpose of drawing up this genogram is to have a picture of the progress of the gospel in your family. If you come across God’s intervention in their lives, like an aunt having a dream about God, this significant event can be noted beside the name. Ultimately, this genogram will be a visual reminder to pray for specific family members in their journey towards faith in Christ.

The following material comes from a missionary couple who wrote about the lessons learnt in the conversion of many members of their families. It was written to help a young person to relate as a Christian witness to parents and family members. Written in 1982, it is titled ‘10 pointers on reaching your family for Christ’ (1982):

1. Prayer

Persevering prayer. The Lord responded to our frequent prayer for our families since our conversion 15 years ago. Joint prayer with other believing members can be powerful. (Matthew 18:18,19)

Frequent prayer. This is a new lesson learnt from the life of George Mueller. This man who had more than 30,000 recorded answers to prayer had to pray 20,000 times over 11 and a half years for one request — an average of 5 and a half times a day; short but frequent prayers over and over again for our families can be powerful.

The prayer of faith. The Lord may lead some to offer a “prayer of faith”. Just before the breakthrough in our families, the Lord gave us Matthew 18:19 from which we started to give thanks for the salvation of our families, knowing that God was going to do it soon — and it did happen! Claiming specific promises and praying over them is an aid to faith. The Lord gave individually to both of us Acts 16:31 soon after our conversion. This promise was fulfilled 16 years later!

2. Communicate!

Share facts, activities, feelings with parents. Share with them your church or ministry activities, news about Christian friends, etc. It is a means of integrating your life with your family and helps parents to be more assured and secure about your lives. It also prepares them to be integrated into Christian fellowship when they come to the Lord.

Be interested in the focus of their lives — their work, problems, family concerns, etc. If we don’t relate, they react!

3. Find ways to show them honour. Be proud of them in and out of the family. Learn to praise them, thank them.

4. Submit to their God-given authority invested upon them as parents. Consult them on decisions you have to make. In many homes, mum runs the house and treating dad as the head of the home can therefore be a delicate matter but whenever we apply God-given principles and live by them, He will always reward.

5. Exemplary conduct in the home speaks volumes for Christ:

• our helpfulness in household chores
• asking for forgiveness when in the wrong
• our relationship with brothers and sisters
• our thoughtfulness in buying back small gifts of food or fruit after a night out
• your conscientious hard work or study

6. Understand your parents — they may have many misconceptions and fears.

Our flurry of Christian activities can cause them concern about the effect on our studies, and success in life and eventually on our ability to support them financially. They need reassurance that your conversion will not affect your studies adversely.

Some parents fear the “westernization” and loss of culture when their children get converted. One has to re-think the value of taking on “Christian” names; or do things that have a “western” association.

With our parents and grandparents, salvation is often a process leading to a point of conversion rather than just a crisis point as with us. In the case of our parents, they indicated that they had been thinking about becoming Christians for a long time prior to their conversion. Why the delay? Answer: they were thinking through on the implications of their faith: about ancestral worship obligations, about possible reactions from relatives, about the family idols in the home.

If we are able to know of their nearness to faith, we can then proceed to pray and lead them to a decision.

It may be appropriate sometimes, for a minister or pastor, to enter into their process of conversion, not only because he is a respected person, but also his help in the idol-breaking ceremony is critical. However, the joy is ours if we can personally lead them to know the Lord.

7. Home visits by our Christian friends to your home can be significant in impressing upon your parents and family that Christians can be responsible, mature, of good character and even holding respectable positions in society.

• One University student invited his Christian lecturer to visit his parents which made a deep impression on them.
• Inviting your pastor for a home visit or a family function can be helpful.

8. ‘Neutral’ opportunities for witnessing can be used where it is difficult to have a direct gospel sharing to your parents. Invite them to watch gospel-centered media or attend church gospel services. Perhaps your parents may be receptive to a recorded gospel message in their native tongue.

9. Be alert to crisis interventions from the Lord. An illness, death, family problems or even changed circumstances like unemployment can be opportunities to share the gospel.

10. Follow Up. Once they come to the Lord, be sure to arrange for an idol-breaking ceremony or house-cleansing by the pastor. Bring them to a church where they can have fellowship and encourage them to be baptised as soon as possible. It will then be natural for them to keep Quiet Times in the morning, memorise Scriptures, read the Word and pray, attend church, witness, etc. as you would have been living the Christian life before them.